The Story of How I Broke My Tailbone

“Come on Jimmy you just helped me build it and you’re not even going to jump?”

“Nope. I’m old and out of shape now. When I fall stuff actually hurts.”

“You’re so boring.”

“Whatever. You go and I’ll film it.”

“You slowed down so much you barely got any air. That was terrible.”

“You do it then. You wont go any higher.”

“Luke I cant do it. My body sucks now. Go again.”

“Your still going way to slow and why cant you land it?”

“Just go Jim. Show me how easy it is.”

“Nah”

“You’re boring”

“Fine. If you go again and land it I’ll go and show you how its done.”

“All yours”

“Fuck”

Cuts to me on an airplane a week later sitting on two pillows and crying.

My Friends and I are Losers

I started this blog with no idea what I was gonna post or talk about. I was also angry at myself for giving into my loserdom and starting a blog... but here I am. When I was scrolling through my photos and videos looking for those screen shots of Ken wandering the streets of West Hartford I realized I've got a lot of gold on my computer.

You see, for the better part of two years my friends and I have been sending each other videos to make each other laugh and since we are completely deranged idiots there is a lot of interesting stuff. Like a falling down the stairs on purpose.

Or high diving a toilet.

Or starting video conversations with pure gibberish and somehow turning it into a real situation and developing characters.

Then there’s the weird creepy shit I used (still do) do because I don’t consider social media real life. One night in college Jake and I stayed up all night friend requesting entire sports teams. He would read the names off the roster of the Fordhams Womens Tennis team. I would find them on facebook and request them just hoping that at their next practice there was a buzz. “Hey did you get a request from Gym E OBrien?” “Yeah, so did I. Who is that? Did we meet him at a party or something?”

So yeah

I’ll throw some of that stuff up here later on but right now I’m on my way to Hawaii for a two week vacation. Maybe ill post some stuff while I’m out there. Or maybe Ill just enjoy my vacation with my family?? Welp, got my Hawaii hat on and I’m out of here.

Tracking Ken

My good friend Ken Picerno (aka Sven Picerno, aka Jen Picerno, aka Ben Picerno, aka Len Picerno) is like the rest of and likes to indulge in the liquors. He also enjoys - maybe enjoys is the wrong word - he also has a tendency to strand himself at the end of the night. Separate himself from the group. Wander home alone. I think one time he slept by a dumpster? The magical thing about it is he always survives.

So one night I tracked him and it did not disappoint.

We were in West Hartford. Ken was at one bar and all his friends had already left for another. He was supposed to meet us at the second bar. Pretty simple. Here are the locations.

Very simple. All he has to do is walk down make a right onto Farmington and WALA let the good times commence!

NOPE! The first thing Ken does is dart straight across. Pretty bad first step but redeemable. 

Again, Ken goes with his gut instinct and heads in the complete wrong direction.

Oh, understandable now. He just wanted to go check out the high school. See if anyone was hanging out in the parking lot or something cool like that.

Okay! Here we go! The first steps he's taken in the right direction so far. Progress! Lets just hope this continues.

NOPE! Didn't stand a chance! We're closing in on half an hour now and its been all bad.

Okay so he's turned around. He's going the right way again. Just gotta continue up S Main and take a left on Farmington. Things are looking up.

AND HE'S BACK AT THE HIGH SCHOOL AGAIN FOLKS!

 Something at the high school spooked him. Some girls probably asked for a smoke or something and he darted straight across back to Lasalle. Basically at the beginning again. Only 50 minutes later.

Well would you look at that? He just kept going! Don't even know what to say about this move. Kinda brilliant at this point.

For the third time now he's back on the right track. He's almost back to where he started.

Yes! Keep going Ken! So close.

BOOM! One hour and a minute later and Ken is at the bar with his friends! Got a little work out in. Saw the sites and now its time for those two long islands he's been craving.

Jake's Gruden Grinders

Week 8

Russell Wilson

Week 9

John Kuhn

Week 10

Richie Incognito

Mike Glennon

Week 11

Rob Ninkovich

Mike Tolbert

Week 12

London Fletcher

Justin Smith

Week 13

Richard Sherman

Darren Sproles

Week 14

Peanut Tilman

Sean Lee

Week 15

Michael Oher

Ziggy Ansah

Sven Picerno - Worlds Sexiest Ice Man

John Fullbright - Moving

Top 5 Funniest Movie Lines That Aren't Supposed to be Funny

When I say top five I really mean the first five I thought of and when I say funniest I really mean the ones I like to quote the most. I'm sure there are hundreds more. All right, here it goes.

5. The Luck of the Irish - Well At Least They Got Paid

Gold. I like to think this was ad-libbed. Some black crew member read the script and told the actor to say it. The director was taken back and shocked but then realized shit, what can I do now, gotta leave it in. This entire movie is real racist. There's some website that broke down all the fucked up shit said in it but after one Google search I couldn't find that website so I can't link it.

4. Now & Then - Why Are You Afraid of Me?

I grew up with two sisters. Therefore I watched a ton of girl movies. Now & Then was always one I was okay with though. It's the girl version of Stand By Me. Crazy Pete is maybe the coolest movie character ever. Just riding his bike at night to and from the cemetery in overalls all the time. Then you find out he can barely talk. Cracks me up every time when he says "why are you afraid of me?" C'mon Pete! Look at yourself! You're SO scary.

3. Wizard of Oz - Put Em Up

Is this scene actually supposed to be funny? I never know. Growing up no one else laughed at it when I watched it with them but I think its supposed to be funny. His delivery is just too good. Pulling an axe on me ehh? Sneaking up on me ehh? I always want to use this whenever a fight is about to break out at a bar but instead I just run the other way cause I'm a pussy.

2. Johnny Tsunami - Big Party At Our Place

Self explanatory. A+ acting.

1. My Girl - His Glasses

Yeah it's a terribly sad scene but if you don't burst out laughing when she says "HE WAS GONNA BE AN ACROBAT" then I feel bad for you. Then she combos into the most un athletic run ever scene on film (until the girl from Taken beat her out) and I can't hold it in any longer. Shits funny. His face hurts!


Honorable Mention is Leo in Romeo + Juliet when he finds out Juliet died.