Wednesday, December 18, 2013
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Top 5 Funniest Movie Lines That Aren't Supposed to be Funny
When I say top five I really mean the first five I thought of and when I say funniest I really mean the ones I like to quote the most. I'm sure there are hundreds more. All right, here it goes.
5. The Luck of the Irish - Well At Least They Got Paid
Gold. I like to think this was ad-libbed. Some black crew member read the script and told the actor to say it. The director was taken back and shocked but then realized shit, what can I do now, gotta leave it in. This entire movie is real racist. There's some website that broke down all the fucked up shit said in it but after one Google search I couldn't find that website so I can't link it.
4. Now & Then - Why Are You Afraid of Me?
I grew up with two sisters. Therefore I watched a ton of girl movies. Now & Then was always one I was okay with though. It's the girl version of Stand By Me. Crazy Pete is maybe the coolest movie character ever. Just riding his bike at night to and from the cemetery in overalls all the time. Then you find out he can barely talk. Cracks me up every time when he says "why are you afraid of me?" C'mon Pete! Look at yourself! You're SO scary.
3. Wizard of Oz - Put Em Up
Is this scene actually supposed to be funny? I never know. Growing up no one else laughed at it when I watched it with them but I think its supposed to be funny. His delivery is just too good. Pulling an axe on me ehh? Sneaking up on me ehh? I always want to use this whenever a fight is about to break out at a bar but instead I just run the other way cause I'm a pussy.
2. Johnny Tsunami - Big Party At Our Place
Self explanatory. A+ acting.
1. My Girl - His Glasses
Yeah it's a terribly sad scene but if you don't burst out laughing when she says "HE WAS GONNA BE AN ACROBAT" then I feel bad for you. Then she combos into the most un athletic run ever scene on film (until the girl from Taken beat her out) and I can't hold it in any longer. Shits funny. His face hurts!
Honorable Mention is Leo in Romeo + Juliet when he finds out Juliet died.
5. The Luck of the Irish - Well At Least They Got Paid
Gold. I like to think this was ad-libbed. Some black crew member read the script and told the actor to say it. The director was taken back and shocked but then realized shit, what can I do now, gotta leave it in. This entire movie is real racist. There's some website that broke down all the fucked up shit said in it but after one Google search I couldn't find that website so I can't link it.
4. Now & Then - Why Are You Afraid of Me?
I grew up with two sisters. Therefore I watched a ton of girl movies. Now & Then was always one I was okay with though. It's the girl version of Stand By Me. Crazy Pete is maybe the coolest movie character ever. Just riding his bike at night to and from the cemetery in overalls all the time. Then you find out he can barely talk. Cracks me up every time when he says "why are you afraid of me?" C'mon Pete! Look at yourself! You're SO scary.
3. Wizard of Oz - Put Em Up
Is this scene actually supposed to be funny? I never know. Growing up no one else laughed at it when I watched it with them but I think its supposed to be funny. His delivery is just too good. Pulling an axe on me ehh? Sneaking up on me ehh? I always want to use this whenever a fight is about to break out at a bar but instead I just run the other way cause I'm a pussy.
2. Johnny Tsunami - Big Party At Our Place
Self explanatory. A+ acting.
1. My Girl - His Glasses
Yeah it's a terribly sad scene but if you don't burst out laughing when she says "HE WAS GONNA BE AN ACROBAT" then I feel bad for you. Then she combos into the most un athletic run ever scene on film (until the girl from Taken beat her out) and I can't hold it in any longer. Shits funny. His face hurts!
Honorable Mention is Leo in Romeo + Juliet when he finds out Juliet died.
December 17th, 2013
I was hoping my first actual post would be something funny. An old story or something but nah. Here's what's on my mind.
1. People need to be nice to each other. Pretty basic stuff. I'm not saying everyone has to get along or like each other. Just saying some common courtesy goes a long way. I'm also only talking about strangers. You don't have to be nice to your friends. That's why they are you friends.
I've been infatuated with the south for a long time. I've been all over the country but never to the south. It's probably a good thing because I don't think i'd fit in. But from a distance I love the culture, the pride and loyalty that come with being raised under the Mason-Dixon Line. And I LOVE the concept of southern hospitality. All that 'yes ma'am' 'no sir' business. LOVE IT. The only problem is it doesn't fly other places because most woman in the north hate being called ma'am and some young clerks at stores now call me sir and I'm like 'hey c'mon kid be cool. Just cause I got grey hair doesn't mean you have to call me sir'.
So instead, a couple of years ago, I instilled something into my everyday routine. No matter who or where, whenever I am talking to a stranger I open up with "how are you doing today/tonight?" and I close with "have a good day/night". When I say to everyone I mean it. Gas station clerks. Drive Thru window clerks. Cab drivers. Tech assistant on the phone. Every house I deliver to. Everyone. The amount of people that stop, say 'oh', surprised, smile, then respond with, "I'm good . How are you?" or "thank you, you too" is a surprising amount. And while I know I'm not making anyways day I also know I'm not ruining anyone's.
2. Throw some compliments around everyday. Again, I'm talking about strangers. I'm not gonna compliment one of my ugly friends and you shouldn't have to do that either. That's why they are your friends. You know how good it feels to be complimented? The answer is good.
There's a gay guy at a restaurant I deliver for who is probably my biggest fan. Every time I walk in he throws out a "you sure your not gay? Want to let me help you find out?" Or "if I go on break right now will you come with". Yeah it's over the top but yeah, it also makes me think, 'damn, wish I were gay right now'.
At the last wedding I filmed an old lady came up to me and started dancing. When I say old I don't mean 40s/50's. I mean 70's/80s. She grabbed my arms and pulled me close. I backed up and let her know I was working and I couldn't dance. "I know," she said "but you're just so damn handsome". I laughed. Then she said, "what's your type? Please tell me you enjoy older women." I backed away laughing and fake filming then proceeded to avoid her the rest of the night but in my head I was like 'HEYYYOOO that old lady just said I was so damn handsome!!!'
Do girls really find that annoying? Are they actually annoyed and insulted when older men or ugly mean hit on them? I'm flattered anytime anyone talks to me. I'm a pretty simple guy.
1. People need to be nice to each other. Pretty basic stuff. I'm not saying everyone has to get along or like each other. Just saying some common courtesy goes a long way. I'm also only talking about strangers. You don't have to be nice to your friends. That's why they are you friends.
I've been infatuated with the south for a long time. I've been all over the country but never to the south. It's probably a good thing because I don't think i'd fit in. But from a distance I love the culture, the pride and loyalty that come with being raised under the Mason-Dixon Line. And I LOVE the concept of southern hospitality. All that 'yes ma'am' 'no sir' business. LOVE IT. The only problem is it doesn't fly other places because most woman in the north hate being called ma'am and some young clerks at stores now call me sir and I'm like 'hey c'mon kid be cool. Just cause I got grey hair doesn't mean you have to call me sir'.
So instead, a couple of years ago, I instilled something into my everyday routine. No matter who or where, whenever I am talking to a stranger I open up with "how are you doing today/tonight?" and I close with "have a good day/night". When I say to everyone I mean it. Gas station clerks. Drive Thru window clerks. Cab drivers. Tech assistant on the phone. Every house I deliver to. Everyone. The amount of people that stop, say 'oh', surprised, smile, then respond with, "I'm good . How are you?" or "thank you, you too" is a surprising amount. And while I know I'm not making anyways day I also know I'm not ruining anyone's.
2. Throw some compliments around everyday. Again, I'm talking about strangers. I'm not gonna compliment one of my ugly friends and you shouldn't have to do that either. That's why they are your friends. You know how good it feels to be complimented? The answer is good.
There's a gay guy at a restaurant I deliver for who is probably my biggest fan. Every time I walk in he throws out a "you sure your not gay? Want to let me help you find out?" Or "if I go on break right now will you come with". Yeah it's over the top but yeah, it also makes me think, 'damn, wish I were gay right now'.
At the last wedding I filmed an old lady came up to me and started dancing. When I say old I don't mean 40s/50's. I mean 70's/80s. She grabbed my arms and pulled me close. I backed up and let her know I was working and I couldn't dance. "I know," she said "but you're just so damn handsome". I laughed. Then she said, "what's your type? Please tell me you enjoy older women." I backed away laughing and fake filming then proceeded to avoid her the rest of the night but in my head I was like 'HEYYYOOO that old lady just said I was so damn handsome!!!'
Do girls really find that annoying? Are they actually annoyed and insulted when older men or ugly mean hit on them? I'm flattered anytime anyone talks to me. I'm a pretty simple guy.
So This Is Something I May Start Doing Now
So this is something I may start doing now. This blog is the product of sheer boredom. I thought to myself the other night 'hey maybe I should start a blog'. Then I thought 'but Jimmy what would you even write about?' Then suddenly the conversation with myself stopped because I ran over a wild Coyote. It darted in front of my car and by the time I saw it my front bumper was shattering its rib cage. I thought it was a dog at first and was shaken up like a little girl. Then I found out it was a wild coyote and was proud of myself cause I killed a Coyote and that's bad ass.
Anyways.
Since I graduated college and moved back in with the rents I have been stumbling through various ways to entertain myself and also steadily gaining weight. Last year I started making Whiskey Shot videos to make my friends laugh (more so myself). After eight weeks of that my liver waved the white flag and I stopped.
Then for my birthday I got a typewriter and started typing people letters. Anyone that wanted a letter got one. Oh, actually, I also wrote those while drunk so I guess my liver never did get that break.
A few weeks later my friend, Skinny Nose, gave me a printing press so I instantly started designing and printing tank tops. Dove head first into that by making a website and investing a couple hundred in supplies. Once I made my money back it got boring.
Next up was real writing. It was my New Years resolution to write more and I fucking nailed it. I wrote 200 plus pages of short stories and poems. That felt real satisfying. I also printed 50 copies of the novel I had written a year earlier while I was still in school and sold every copy. Even more satisfying.
Work picked up and I was busy. Now work has slowed and I am bored. But I'm a sucker for ideas and for trying them out instantly. I had a month off and thought I should go on a road trip. BAM! I did it. I had a dream about writing a screen play. BOOM! woke up and wrote the first three scenes. Promised my friend I would send him a video once a week for a year telling him how much he likes boobs. He said, "please don't do that Jimmy". HA! Of course i did it, that's hilarious. One day my friend, Little Head, said we should drink a different beer each day for a year and write about it. POW! We did it for two months. Couple months ago I thought, man I should re watch all of Dawson's Creek. BANG! I just finished season two.
So there is no saying whether I keep this up or not but for now... It exists.
Anyways.
Since I graduated college and moved back in with the rents I have been stumbling through various ways to entertain myself and also steadily gaining weight. Last year I started making Whiskey Shot videos to make my friends laugh (more so myself). After eight weeks of that my liver waved the white flag and I stopped.
A few weeks later my friend, Skinny Nose, gave me a printing press so I instantly started designing and printing tank tops. Dove head first into that by making a website and investing a couple hundred in supplies. Once I made my money back it got boring.
Work picked up and I was busy. Now work has slowed and I am bored. But I'm a sucker for ideas and for trying them out instantly. I had a month off and thought I should go on a road trip. BAM! I did it. I had a dream about writing a screen play. BOOM! woke up and wrote the first three scenes. Promised my friend I would send him a video once a week for a year telling him how much he likes boobs. He said, "please don't do that Jimmy". HA! Of course i did it, that's hilarious. One day my friend, Little Head, said we should drink a different beer each day for a year and write about it. POW! We did it for two months. Couple months ago I thought, man I should re watch all of Dawson's Creek. BANG! I just finished season two.
So there is no saying whether I keep this up or not but for now... It exists.
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