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Chicken & Waffles Lasagna (kinda)

In case you didnt know I'm a master chef now. Every Sunday I try to cook a big meal that takes me a long time to make. It helps distract me from how pathetic and hungover I usually feel.


Okay so lets get into it. First step was flattening the chicken so it would be thinner for the lasagna. Then I mixed butter milk, hot sauce, onions and garlic and let the chicken sit in that as I watched the yankees struggle to get hits with runners in scoring position.

Then I mixed all these seasonings together. No clue what any of these things do really. But I guess when you mix them together you get a southern fried chicken recipe.

Next step. Take the chicken out of the brine. I didnt shake them off or dry them that much. Feel like I probably should have done that. Don't know.

Dip it in the flower.

Dip it in the egg/hotsauce mixture.

Dip it back in the flower.

TIME TO FRY!

The first time I ever tried to fry something. I dropped the chicken in and it went instantly black. I learned not to make it too hot. Fail forward!

I needed to make a sauce to give it flavor. Debated whether it should be maple syrup based, or mustard based, or something else. In the end I went with mustard. Reason being, to make a lasagna you need cheese. It's what holds everything together. I made pad thai lasagna a couple weeks ago and didn't use cheese cause asians don't use cheese and it didn't hold at all. So since cheese is a must have I went with mustard. Maple syrup and cheese didn't sound like a good mix.

I mixed. Cholula chili garlic hot sauce, spicy brown mustard, and honey. It was quite good.

I used eggo waffles cause eggo waffles are the best waffles and if you disagree with that, thats fine you can have your own opinion.

Trying to stack the layers was when things got dicey and I started doubting everything. Clearly a lasagna wouldn't work. It would be half a foot tall. So basically what I did was make a double decker chicken and waffle sandwich with an open top. Whatever it worked.

Final result. It was delicious. It was hot...cause of all the hot sauce. It was a good hangover cure.

Okay! If you want to follow along with the cooking as it happens next Sunday you can follow me on snap chat. user name is "taste"

A Look back at the fun I had with Tinder a couple years ago

Over the weekend my friends and I went down to North Carolina for a little vacation. We had a blast at the beach and local museums and tourist destinations. Just joking, we sat around on Tinder all day. If you don't know what Tinder is, this website will help you find out.

Any way, basically I was trying to see how ridiculous i could get and still get these strangers to respond to me. 

Lets start with Megan. Megan and I talked about vacations in Jamaica and my legless brother.

Next came Victoria. Victoria was RELENTLESS. She just kept on responding. She also helped me save a friendship with my lactose intolerant friend Nick.

Mackenzie helped settle a bet that ended up getting Ken really hurt.

Meredith wasn't shy about her racism, so I thought I'd try to dig deeper into that

Chloe was actually very attractive and apparently the nicest girl ever. Either that or she called my bluff perfectly. ASL means American Sign Language

Maria initiated conversation with me and we bonded over our lazy eyes.

Now here are all the girls that were smart enough to never respond and hopefully block me.

A List of 10 Facts

- It's Friday night in 2016 and I've had some beers

- The Beatles were only a band for 9 years, There was never a member of the Beatles who was 30 years old.

- I'm 26 and have fifty percent grey hair

- Creedence Clearwater Revival were only a band for 4 years. John Fogerty was 22-26. During those 4 years they wrote
      Have You Ever Seen The Rain
      Proud Mary
      Bad Moon Rising
      Fortunate Son
      Born on the Bayou
      Suzie Q
      Who'll Stop the Rain
      I Heart it through the Grape Vine
      I Put a Spell on You

- I shit my pants when I was 14 years old at my first High School Football game at a brand new school.

- A hockey puck weighs 6 ounces.

- Cleopatra lived closer to the invention of the iPhone than she did to the building of the Great Pyramid.

- A strawberry isn't a berry but an avocado is.

- I weighed 8 pounds more than a hockey puck at birth (i think).

- I'm out of boxers that fit nicely
   

Blanky

password 

is 

courtney

Here is the full interview with Courtney about her Blanky. There's some more real good info in here.

Can you hold up the Blanky for us.

Oh my god, its really hard to hold up.

When is the last time it ripped and you had to retie it together?

Probably three months ago. But, I found a good tying system now. You take two long pieces and you just do three knots and then it will connect to the side and then the rest will hang down.

Whens the last time it was a full piece? That's all strings tied together.

No it's not! There are some full pieces, like this is a pretty good run.

That's a full piece?

That's a full piece right here, I'm really proud of this piece, its hanging on bye a thread though.

So that's your fullest piece?

Well this piece is pretty good but its kind of cheating because grandma resewed it together. You see that?

She resewed it together?

Yeah, when it was still resew-able she used to take sections and then she would sew this together. 

But shes completely given up on that now?

Yeah and I'm a little too embarrassed to ask her.

Can you tell us how long you have had it, and where it came from?

I've had the blanket since... I cant even remember. My grandmas neighbor made it, so she crocheted it and then she was cleaning out her house and she gave grandma a bunch of left over blankets because she knew she had a bunch of little kids come stay there all the time and then for some reason I just got attached to this blanket and have had it ever since.

Can you talk about the size it started as and the transformation into that over the years.

It started out as like a lap blanket so it would cover my whole body here and you would use it on the couch and it was one big blanket and then it had little tassels or dangly crochet pieces going around the entire perimeter of it and I don't know... somehow it just started to look more and more like this. But it was really pretty at one point, and it was really white so this was like blue pink and white cause this was for either a boy or a girl but now it kinda just looks like all one color... but its still lovely.

You don't remember why it started ripping? Do you remember how I used to rip those tassels off..

Yeah, so I used to get in a fight with you and every time we got in a fight you would take my blanket and just rip pieces off and then I would start hysterical crying. Probably the meanest thing you've ever done to me. 

At the time I didn't realize it was going to last your whole life.

Still pretty rude.

Do you have an earliest memory of Blanky, or a memory where it was not just for falling asleep with?

I remember on Christmas morning I would always open up presents with Blanky, like i wouldn't open up presents without it and I remember mommy trying to weed me off of Blanky. So she would come up with this system to separate us a little bit. So first it was allowed everywhere I went. Then it was allowed in the car but I couldn't bring it in to TJ Max or Kmart it just had to stay in the car and wait for me until I got done. Then it wasn't even allowed in the car, I just had to leave it at home and then she tried to implement the rule where it was just allowed upstairs not down stairs but that didn't really work so well.

I forgot all about that.

it was hard hard times

So you won that battle obviously?

no... well... yeah i would say i won it and then she won it and then it just started gradually becoming my way again but i would never bring it to school.

You were embarrassed of it in front of peers?

No, I was never embarrassed of it in front of peers. It's not something to be ashamed of.

Do you think a lot of people have security items, or security blankets from there past?

Yeah, I would say like sixty percent.

Do you have any friends that have a teddy bear or a blanket or something?

Yeah but they're not as in love with it as I am with Blanky. So maybe I just have more feelings.

Do you have any other objects that you have kept from childhood?

No i'm really not sentimental with anything else.

So you're not a pack rat or anything?

No. I always remember you - I would throw all this stuff away and you would tell me I was cold because I couldn't save anything.

So what's the exception?

Cause this is like more than just an object.It provides comfort to me where anything else doesn't. Like you wanted me to save all those airplane tickets, remember those? like stubs, airplane stubs.

Yeah those are memories.

Can you share the first time you were without Blanky, I know there's been a couple times where you thought it was gone forever.

I think the first time I lost it for like a significant amount of time... cause sometimes I would misplace it around the house and I would go a couple days and I would get really anxious that I thought I lost it and then one time it just never turned up so it was like months and months and months and I would play this game with myself were you couldn't talk about it out loud or don't ask mom where it is cause I didn't want it to be real that i actually lost Blanky. So I would never bring it up to mommy and then one time Aunt Ilene called mom and was like "oh I think Courtney left like her rag at my house and its been in my laundry room." It was like six months later and I was so happy that we found it. That was the first time that mom ever realized I even lost it for three months so she was shocked that I left it there and I was still surviving without it. 

She was probably proud of you for not asking or bringing it up.

I know but I didn't want it to become a reality so I wasn't asking her.

So Dad and I, if we have ugly t shirts or clothes that we like and wear continuously. We'll go to our closet one day and it'll be gone cause mom just goes and throws them out because she's tired of seeing them.

yeah I do that to Bretts clothes too.

Did you ever fear when you lost it that that's what mom did to you?

No cause mom knows how important it is to me and mom used to proactively not let that happen. Like when we used to have a cleaning lady come to the house she would leave notes and say "although this looks like garbage please don't throw it out".

It worked

Yeah really sweet of her.

And you lost it another time, can you tell the snow story?

Oh yeah, middle school, I think this was like eight grade I lost it for a couple months and it was in the winter. I was really really upset because I thought I lost it for good and every time I thought I lost it for good I was like okay I'm at the age I can do this. I can live without it.

Then I took the bus one morning to school and I was so tried on the bus -  I think they used to pick us up at at six am - and I was sitting by the window, glaring out the windows looking outside and the snow was melting away in Chicago. We had a lot of snow that year, and you can just see like sprouts of grass popping up through the snow and then all the sudden I saw something that looked like Blanky popping through the snow and I was like oh my god, am I... I just saw it glistening through the snow and ten minutes later I was like was I dreaming that? Like was it like the most magical dream ever or did I really see it?

I went the whole school day, came home, took the bus home from school and then I was like "mom you have to drive me by this kid Ryans house, you have to drive me by ryans house because..." and shes like why Courtney? Why? I'm like no just do it I just need you to drive me by his house. And she wouldn't take me and I'm like no mom I don't know if I dreamt it but I think I saw Blanky glistening through the snow and she was like what? okay ill drive you. So I drove by his house and there it was in the front lawn like half coming out of the snow, it was magical. 

How about the airport story.

So my parents moved us around a lot and it was traumatizing but one time we were moving to Australia. We landed and were waiting for our luggage and I remember that... oh so I had scoliosis, side note, and I had to wear this huge plastic monstrosity back brace and my mom was carrying around the brace for me and we were sitting there waiting for the luggage, moms holding the brace and then all the sudden I realize that I don't have Blanky. I left it on the airplane so I had kind of a melt down and I was devastated and I had a little bit of a tantrum. I threw myself on the floor and was crying and kicking and screaming and then everyone that worked at the airport thought that I was like having a seizure because of the brace and being on the floor. They thought that I left medicine on the plane or something and was running to go get it but then my mom had to tell them, no I'm sorry, she just left her security blanket on the plane.

Which is a rag.

It's a little embarrassing for mom.

When you lost it those nights and you were telling yourself not to think about it or talk about it every night when you went to sleep can you explain, was it difficult?

It's difficult when you go to sleep without it because its always... its like going to sleep without a pillow or a blanket, its like somethings missing when you're going to sleep. so just think about how that would be for you. laying in bed with no pillow.

You've been on a good run, how long has it been since you lost it? Do you have a different system now?

Yeah now I have a system as I'm going into adulthood. I don't take it on over night trips unless it's like a substantial amount of time. So I wont take it on a two or three day business trip but when I'm going for a week I will take it. I'm trying to mitigate risk. 

There was a period of time, in Illinois, maybe Connecticut too, where you would wake up in the morning and put the Blanky in the freezer.

Yeah, I still like doing that its just I'm lazy and forget to do it sometimes but I like to keep it in the freezer and then go get it right before I go to bed and then it's all cold its like the cool side of the pillow, and you rub it on your face like it just got out of the freezer. That's kinda one of the best feelings.

You understand that sounds crazy and gross though right?

Yeah, right now since I'm lazier than that, what I'll do if I wake up in the middle of the night and I look for Blanky and find it in the bed and then you know its like so hot and stuffy in the bed so I throw it on the side of the floor and I let it sit on the the floor for a couple minutes and then I go and pick it up and its like the cool side of the pillows back.

You're like a crazy cat lady but with a blanky.

Well this is the first time I'm sharing these.

So you do still put it in the freezer sometimes.

Sometimes, yeah.

Do you think putting it in the freezer led to its demise?

no I don't think that has anything to do with it.

Just natural wear and tear?

You ripping it.

Do you think there is a bigger reason why you have this connection, you said you're not sentimental about anything else.

Like because we moved so much maybe I wanted a constant in life

Yeah do you think that could be a reason why?

I think that could have something to do with it cause I know Brett is so connected to his home town and I don't really have anything like that. Well besides my family themselves, like I'm not really connected to a house or a town or a school but pink and blue crochet knit... its my thing.

It can turn any bed into your own.

hmmm maybe that should be my slogan.

Get a security blanket, it can turn any bed into your own! 

Does Brett mind it? So when you started dating Brett how do you explain it?

I tell people right away. All my friends know that I sleep with a blanket. So its not something I hide.

But then you and Brett get an apartment together and are sharing a bed and now he has to sleep with a dirty rag all the time too. Did he have any qualms?

Yeah he doesn't really like it that much but he knows how much I like it so he accepts it.

So its down to a rag, right? Whats the plan in the future to stop it from... do you just roll with it, if it breaks you just tie it back on.

Yeah, so I have one piece that's fully separated from this and I was thinking about just framing that piece and putting it in my bedroom so that if this actually disintegrates into nothing I have one piece framed. But I think I'm still pretty much okay with the amount of Blanky there is here. I feel like we still have a lot to lose and I just appreciate whats left instead of dwelling on whats not there. 

Wow. As long as you can scrunch it up into a ball and rub it on your face, huh?

The glass is half full. yeah. I like the feeling when I rub it on my face which most people, find pretty disgusting.

Repulsive even.

Yeah, repulsive even. When Brett's really annoying me I'll rub it on his face. That kinda just puts him over the edge.

What do you think all your friends and family would use if they had one word to describe Blanky?

Disgusting.

Does that bother you

It's kinda upsetting.

It's like the one thing you like most

It's like someone calling your dog disgusting... but at the same time I get it.

There is one person in the world who will touch it though.

Grandma. Yeah, Grandma washes it for me. This is now at the hand wash only state so she'll put it in warm water and a little fabric softener and hand wash it in the sink for me.

Does she hand wash it for you every time you visit her?

Yeah. Well like every time I go back home so maybe twice a year it gets washed. I'm too nervous to wash it myself. I'm afraid if I do it will disintegrate even more and I don't know... it might get caught in the garbage disposal or something very traumatic. I don't really trust myself and I only trust Grandma.

Do you think she does that just because she loves you? Do you think she doesn't find it gross?

Umm I think she does it just because she loves me. I'm sure she still finds it a little bit gross but shes more matter of fact about everything and everyone else is so dramatic.

Is there a part of you that finds it a little bit gross?

No. Not at all. 

Do you think you love it too much?

No I don't think you can every love anything too much.

-the fridge and not washing and you just rubbing make up on it every night do you think that has something to do with the discoloration?

No! I think that its been 28 years, so it's 28 years old and it was hand crocheted so not the best quality. But it's made with love.

Do you  think the lady that made it for you would be pleased to know you still have it.

She would probably be shocked. I don't think she would ever... I don't think it was meant to be a child's security blanket but I'm sure she would be happy she got good use out of it. 

Would you ever consider sewing Blanky into another blanket so you could continue it on, or a t shirt or something.

I just like don't want to insult the integrity of it. I feel like its perfect the way it is.

As a person who grew up with a security blanket that they took into adulthood, when you have children are you going to buy them something to put in their crib with them to give them the opportunity to have the connection you have with Blanky. Give them the option.

Yeah, I think I would give them the opportunity so its their choice but I also think I would follow Moms footsteps of putting some rules and guidelines around the security blanket because you want your kids to feel comfort but you also want them not to be made fun of at school.

How much longer do you think Blanky is going to survive?

Wow that's really morbid. I think its going to go on forever. I thought about when I get married, taking a piece and it can be my something blue and doing something with it so it walks down the aisle with me but I haven't fully thought that out yet. 

What would you do if Blanky died, if it caught on fire and you weren't around to save him?

Like would I get another one?

Just what would you do? What would you do if Blanky disappeared.

I think I would silently cry. Is that possible? I think I would just cry myself to sleep.

Do you associate Blanky with a gender or age

Wow that's a weird question. No its gender neutral and I think its as old as I am. 

Okay. That's all I need. Thanks.

The Time I Saw A Lady Forget About Bread.

Just witnessed incredible.

 

I'm standing in line at the café. A lady is in front of me ordering. She's ordering a sandwich in a very particular way.

 

"does it come with tomatoes? I want the tomatoes."

"Does it come with bacon? I don't want the bacon."

"Does it come with onions? I want the onions."

 

She finishes up her wants and don't wants and then the girl behind the counter says, "What type of bread would you like ma'am?"

 

This question hits The Lady hard.

 

She responds, "I cant eat bread," But she says it like everyone knows this and the clerk is being insensitive for even asking.

 

The girl says, well we have this and this and this kind.

 

"Do you have any without wheat?" - The Lady.

 

"I'm sorry we don't."

 

Now The Lady is looking down at her feet and mumbling to herself. She's saying..

 

 "I forgot all about bread... why didn't I just order a salad? I

can't eat bread. I forgot all about the bread."

 

The girl behind the counter and I are exchanging glances and giggling because The Lady just ordered a sandwich forgetting that bread is not only involved in a sandwich but basically the KEY component of what makes a  sandwich a sandwich.

 

After taking time to think it through,The Lady, defeated, says "can you make my sandwich into a salad?".

So today, May 9th, 2015 I witnessed an lady forget about the existence of bread.

 

Notes from a Wallflower at the Bar - Feb 21, 2015

10:47
There is a set of identical twins here with matching haircuts and soul patches... talk about future regrets.


11:16
The girl in the overalls just got an entire beer spilled on her. She just shrugged and unclipped the top of the overalls and let them fall. First time overalls have been convenient for a non painter in a while.


11:24
Elderly man just walked in and immediately shook my hand. Said he felt like he could be my grandfather then gave an extra squeeze. I said you could be my grandfather, you're significantly older than me (I actually said nothing and just politely moved on with my life).


11:52
Bathroom doesnt have a mirror. We're considering that a win.


12:12
On the walk to the second bar we got an impromptu concert from some buskers.

12:28
Guy at the second bar has the Ragnar Lothbrok hair style. I says hey guy, in the new episode its buzzed on top! Catch up! (I didn't look at him more than once cause that hair style is intimidating).


12:32
The second bar is more of a townie bar and I'm making that assumption solely on the amount of puffy vests being worn.


12:38
There is a girl here who is wearing sweatpants, a tank top, and a beanie and she looks convincingly better than I look but that's mostly cause of her butt.


12:48
Hoping the 3 dollar PBRs kick in and I get drunk enough to talk to one of these strangers.


12:51
Brad and I, sitting at a table, just the two of us, out of things to talk about, just nodded at each other three times in a row. Then a little laugh. Then Brad said, "man we need some friends".


12:54
Just played the bathroom line situation like a god damn fiddle, if I were a really good fiddle player.


12:59
Had a healthy conversation with a mustachioed man in the bathroom. He only walked in there to twist his mustache. I thought it would be a good time to pepper him with questions. I acted as if his mustache was awesome and that I liked it. Might be the best undercover journalism I've ever done. He says getting it to stay is all about using the right wax (his is thirty dollars) and twisting it every fifteen minutes. He said it is a labor of love. We got kicked out of the bathroom because we werent peeing, just talking about his mustache.

1:08
Just did an extensive study while standing at the bar waiting to get a drink and concluded that if your eyebrows protrude farther than your chin then you face is built wrong.


1:17
Brad and I bet on how many mouthfuls it would take me to finish this PBR tall boy. I said four. Brad said five.


1:28
Finished it in four mouthfuls. More like three and a half actually.


1:37
On the walk home we encounter a bid ol fight. Chick fight that some dudes got involved in. One guy took a stiletto heel to the forehead and was bleeding pretty bad.

1:54

Back at our place and we have turned to the only food we have. Cheese and hot dogs and no bread. So hot dogs and swiss cheese it was!

2:14
We're watching the most recent episode of New Girl and I'm explaining how Winston has replaced Nick as my favorite character comedy wise.

2:38
Dead.