Thursday, January 29, 2015

Japanese TV Interview for Fake Dog Video

A Japanese TV station, Fuji TV, asked me if they could do a Skype interview with me. I said of course. It took place at 9am California time and 2am Japanese Time. Viral videos are pretty wild.





Here's the original video. 




P.S. if you wanna be really cool you can like and comment and subscribe on the video so I can get some money out of it.
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Two Guys Revue - Warlocks ep 2




In this weeks podcast we talk about....

1. The video of me scaring my mom going viral and the inner works of that.

2. Prochs dad is a crazy guy

3. Witches (be sure to tune in on this subject)

4. Nick being a bad guy

5. Me being a bad guy

6. Nick met Pedro Martinez and I met Pedros cousin

ENJOY!!
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Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Random Update cause I'm bored

It's the biggest snow storm to hit the east coast since 1996 (I almost died in the snowstorm of '96) and I'm in California missing out! Cold weather inst always fun but snow storms are and missing out on this is the first time I've been like 'damn I wish I was back east still.'
      Scratch that, its the second time. When the Golden Globes were on and I couldn't watch it live because I am on Pacific Time that was the first time. Don't mess with my award shows!

I tweeted out about an old flame of mine that I met at an Early November concert back in 2004.



and then The Early November retweeted it and I got 40 retweets and 80 favorites in a matter of minutes from concerned people that wanted to help me find Amy. Except in real life her name wasn't Amy. I think it was Rachel but Rachel was too many characters for the tweet so I changed it to Amy. And in real life I talked to her again...kinda. I gave her my number and she called me but I ignored it then never returned her voicemail because I'm a bad guy.

So I apologize to these people who were hoping I'd find her. Especially Jeff Kummer who is the drummer for Early November.







I'm sure as you all know, the biggest thing to happen to me was the video of my mom being scared by Frank Dog the Fake Dog going viral.



Some Background

I originally went to goodwill to buy Luke a mannequin. They had one that would be perfect, a six feet tall big dude but the lady at Goodwill refused to sell it to me. Which seemed like total bullshit to me at the time. And still does. You're Goodwill, I'm a person with money, give me the mannequin, I give you the money. They weren't even using it to display clothes. It was naked. But they didn't budge. I guess its for the best. Maybe the fake man would have scared my mom even more though.

I gave Luke the dog. He was like cool but no, cause this is a stuffed dog. It was soon after when he realized what a good present it was. Luke was the first person to scare mom. He put it in shotgun of the car, my mom got in the drivers seat, saw the dog and screamed. Then she had to get out cause she forgot something. When she got back in two seconds later she screamed even louder.

Luke told me this information and I got the GoPro out. And now the video was on aol.com msn.com buzzfeed.com hufffingtonpost.com yahoo.com dailymotion.com a ton of local news stations and some other places that I probably don't even know about.

Other Stuff

 Here's a video of me laughing at an old man who needs two canes to walk slower than a snail. Life sucks when you get old.





 And here's a video tour of my new place in Walnut Creek


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Location: Walnut Creek, CA, USA

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Two Guy Revue - Podcast with Nick Proch ep 1




In this first podcast we discuss a few topics, some interesting some not, you be the judge.


1. Nicks recent twitter fight against an Ice Cream Delivery Company.


2. When I was trapped in an airport for a full day


3. What movie is better Castaway or Terminal.


4. The origin of the name Tony


5. Is anyone listening anymore?


and some other really interesting stuff life that.

So if youre at work and bored and want something to listen to for thirty minutes. Here ya go!

P.S. Dont listen to the intro alone in the dark
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Monday, January 12, 2015

Nick Proch vs The Scoop N Scootery

Here's a little story about a man who wanted to enjoy some Frozen Yogurt during his Sunday Movie but never go the chance to.











 So that was that. Just a 25 year old man trying to watch a movie and eat some froyo. Is it weird to only order one serving of ice cream to be delivered to yourself? Yes. Is it sad? possibly!




THEN COMES THE next day when Nick finds the company on Twitter. This is where the fun begins.






 At this point the conversation has spectators. Anxiously waiting for the answers.






Back to the exchange 
























PS

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Monday, January 5, 2015

At One Point Jake and I were writing Beer Diaries

A little over a year ago Jake and I decided to start Beer Diaries, because we are pathetic. Also because we are pathetic we quit after a month (mostly Jake though, I finish everything I start, whether it be good or bad)

Idea was to drink a different beer every day and do a little write up about the beer and your day.

Anyway I just found the old document on my computer and they made me laugh so here, why not. Here are the first three days of the Beer Diary. Was supposed to last a year but like I said we only did it for a month or so. Maybe if the three people that read this like it I will post the rest of em.


• October 6, 2013 •

Sunday

Jimmy


Got a text from my friend Jake today. He told me he had an idea. I told him to go on. He said never mind, it’s a bad idea. His idea was to drink a different beer every day for a year.
Five minutes later I was at the store tossing every beer they offered as a single can into a hand basket.
So today, October 6th 2013 marks day one of the Beer Diary. Wish me luck.

I've been home alone all day. Well, that’s not entirely true. Zimmer (my dog) is here. In the past couple months I’d say Zim has been on the other end of forty percent of my conversations. So there’s that.
Plan on spending all day plastered to the couch watching football, golf, and playoff baseball while reading the short stories of William Saroyan. Might throw a shower in there somewhere but I don’t want to overwhelm myself.
As far as the beer goes, today’s winner is UFO Unfiltered Pumpkin Ale. ‘Tis the season, I figured. The can doubles as a horrible weatherman, stating that it is partly cloudy and 38 degrees out when it is actually raining and 61 degrees. It’s okay though, I was always told ‘you can’t expect accurate weather reports from cans.’
I've never been a fan of pumpkin beers. Interestingly enough, that’s still very much the case. Drank the can in four big mouthfuls to get it over with. 


Jake

I have never been great with goal setting. The only goals I have ever had were to get a college degree and become a great father. I have the college degree and if I am a father I'm doing a terrible job. As of now that second part has yet to be decided but I'm confident one day I will achieve it. Meanwhile, as my 24th birthday approaches it's time to set some new goals! Run a marathon! Low carb diet! No. No my brain jumped instantly to drink a different beer every day for the next year. I figure it will be a good way to review some beers and keep a little personal diary going for the first time in my life. Ladies and gentleman welcome to my beer diary.

Today’s drink of choice is the summer shandy from Leinenkugel. Opening up a beer diary drinking something that’s debatably not a beer! I've always liked a good shandy, whether it was Leinenkugel or mixing a wheat beer with Mike's Hard Lemonade. A great summer drink to cap off what actually feels like the end of summer. Just got back from Arlington, Virginia, where we were celebrating a friend’s birthday. I got drunk three times in two days, vomited, ate terrible food, and most likely grossed out anyone who met me for the first time. During the nine-hour ride home; between questioning life and sweating out alcohol I had the best idea of my life and you're reading it right now.



• October 7, 2013 •
Monday

Jimmy


Working from home today. Editing a video and watching the playoff baseball game. Day time baseball is probably one of the biggest perks that come with working from home. That and not having to shower or put on clothes, not having to listen to horrible stories, being able to masturbate in-between projects, not doing work when you don’t feel like it, and some others.

I made it until three o’clock before cracking open my beer. Steen Brugge’s Tripel. After drinking it I can speculate that it is definitely a beer. It smells, drinks, and tastes like a beer. Throw in some citrus I guess too. Steen Brugge!

                                                  
                              Jake

Today was Monday and the struggle was pretty real. Still recovering from the weekend plus being a man short at work was a rough combination. Luckily, my roommate and good friend, Ken likes to indulge on what we refer to as "fat boy Monday's," where the name gets the point across. This worked out well for me as on my pursuit of 365 beers in 365 days I'm sure I'd be able to find a non-familiar beer. We ended up going to Buffalo Wild Wings because apparently I have no imagination. But hey, it’s not a terrible atmosphere and there’s usually one or two cute waitresses that we can pretend would like us if we talked to them.

The beer on tap that caught my eye - because I'm easily entertained - was called Purple Haze by Abita. Basically the tap had a cool design and the title reminded me of good vibes thinking of Jimi Hendrix on the guitar. The beer itself was pretty good! It was light, which worked out because with the meal en route and the weekend behind that's what I was in the mood for. It was light but at the same time didn't taste like a cheap beer so… Hope my reviews get better than this! I broke up with my girlfriend of four years and this is part of my healing process.

• October 8, 2013 •
Tuesday


Jimmy


I went into work for around an hour today. Wasn’t fun. The lady that works in the back room with me offered me all her recently dead husbands’ shoes. She said they were really nice. I said, ‘nah, not much of a dead shoe guy, but thank you.’
I got back to my house and had sincere plans to get some editing done. Then I realized I felt a little tired so I changed my plans. I drank my beer of the day then took a three hour nap. My ever going fight against metamorphosis!

I drank a Stella Artois, a pretty common beer. I’ve had it a bunch before and have always thought to myself while drinking it, hey this isn’t that bad I should order it sometime. But I never do because I don’t know how to pronounce Artois. As a general rule of thumb, don’t ask for things that you don’t know how to say.


                                           Jake

Today’s beer: Shipyard Pumpkinhead Ale. I was mad I caved so early to having the Pumpkinhead but then realized I only have 20 more days or so to drink it. Now I’m realizing that nobody cares about that last sentence. But it is a pretty good beer! You can definitely taste the pumpkin (no way!). I had three of them over the course of the night and that’s about the maximum one can have. That flavor gets old and the whole idea of only enjoying pumpkin things for one month a year is pretty ridiculous.

 The price of the beer was ideal, as my co-workers treated me to dinner for my birthday. My birthday is not today, it’s Friday, calm down my cult followers! Our waitress was a cute older (early 30’s?) lady named Lisa who had a great figure but looked at me like I’m 18 years old. I think it’s because I’m short, can’t really grow facial hair, and look like I’m 18 years old. 

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Sunday, December 21, 2014

Traveling is Fun!! My Day at the Airport




9:00am 
woke up. Suitcase was packed on the floor. Don't remember packing it last night. Didn't check what I packed, I trust my drunk self.

10:00am 
Waiting at train station.
Only one track is running and the people are HIGHLY CONFUSED. everyone is asking everyone what's going on. Old asian lady walked up to me and asked "is a train coming?" I said "I hope so, it seems to be the only reason we're all here." She walked away dissatisfied.

10:10am
YoungGirl is waiting for train holding lacrosse stick. Old man walks up and says "that's something you don't see here everyday. Do you play?"
I think in my head "oh no she just carries it for fun you old creepy man, shut up dude, we're all still drunk and miserable, theres no time for dumb questions'
Girl responds "oh no I dont Im actually meeting my friend in the city and bringing it to her" then she fakes a phone call

10:30am
Guy said I dont think we've met. Girl said Oh I'm Samantha. I laughed out loud from the corner. http://t.co/QO55YlqvEx

10:45am 
got on train
Stood next to an old lady in christmas gear and a young knitter. For 10 mins the old lady talked and the knitter didn't say a word. Then the knitter flipped the script and talked for 20 mins straight about her knitting and the old lady wanted to tap out of the convo so bad. Some good quotes from the two....
"It's so weird. I'm doing this and it's like my hand just knows exactly what to do" - the knitter, She has no idea how the brain works
"back when I was only doing scarves" - the knitter. Old lady just nodded along like she knows the timetable and levels of knitting
"Don't think of me as elderly, think of me as 20 years younger. I hate the word elderly." - Elderly women
"All of my friends are 20 years older than me" - shocking development from the person knitting on the train

11:00am 
I gave the handle I was holding to the lady next to me and she hugged me as a thank you. Hugged me.
11:30am a lot of people got off the train and I got to sit down

12:00 pm
just watched a guy methodically place 8 wine bottles into his suitcase. Kind of impressive. Kind of sad. Kind of feel like that's something you do at an earlier time.









12:06 pm
Doug just got off the monorail at terminal 2 by accident and Dougs girlfriend screamed like he was leaving her for life. There was a split second where he doubted the entire relationship, I saw it. But then he got back on the monorail

12:11 pm
had an inner conversion with myself on if I should apologize to whoever sits next to me on the plane for my breath cause it smells like a dog shit in my mouth but then i remembered gum is a product that exists and moved on to the next inner conversation.

12:15 pm
Had a fight with the Delta check in computer cause it would not stop dispensing trash at me.









12:19 pm
Thought about how much Id pay for wifi on this flight. Settled at 100 dollars being the limit.

12:20 pm
talked out loud for first time. MAYHEM AT CHECK IN. Full story to come.

12:21 pm
Swiped my card at the computer check in. They said are you James O'Brien? I said yup! You nailed it computer!
Then I proceeded to check in.
Paid for an aisle seat cause if I was in a middle seat Id literally vomit.
Paid to check my bag.
Walk up to give the lady my bag and Linda says "wow you're early!" I say "no Linda I'm actually late."
She says "you don't board until midnight."
I say "fuck you Linda enough with the jokes let's just get going i'm hungover and miserable already."
She says "it ain't no joke. You board at midnight and land in Minnesota at 5am."
I start throwing punches.
Turns out there's multiple people named James OBrien in this world and one of the others is flying to MN tonight. Well to that fellow name holder I say, don't worry about getting to the airport early cause you're already checked in, and pack a bag, bring some extra stuff cause it's already paid for! Also enjoy the new seat in the exit row!

12:45 pm
MISSED MY FLIGHT
By the time all the confusion was figured out it was too late.
The girl teller had such a good laugh at my situation. I think it made her day. So that was nice of me. Made that girls day and paid for other James OBrien seat change and bag. Paying it forward is what I do!











12:57 pm
This dude (my closest thing to a friend right now) just fidgeted with his suitcase for 10 mins straight.

1:05 pm 
BIG SISTER TO THE RESCUE
Courtney Michele O'Brien got me on a 9pm flight. Got me a nice seat and got me a 100 dollar delta gift card.
Now it's just airport chillin for 8 hours. Really wish I showered this morning.
Where does 100 dollars of flying get me? San Fran to Stockton? New York to New Jersey?

1:13 pm
 waiting in a 20 minute line just to flirt with the girl from Delta again. She seemed to find my miserable life funny. Plus I got 8 hours to kill.

1:19 pm
Still in line to flirt. Just remembered the old lady and the knitter on the train and laughed.
If you took a piece of a desert and mixed it with fresh dog shit you'd have the smell/feel/taste of my mouth right now

1:25 pm
I don't meet her requirements. Also, can she breath? Is she being choked?


1:31 pm
Courtney also got me my money back for other James OBriens upgraded seat and bag. So much just went down in that guys life that he doesn't even know about.
10 minutes ago he was checked in to his flight with a sweet seat and a free bag. Now he's just back to his chump life. Still got a nice name though.

1:34 pm
Guy at security just complained that the people didn't let him smile in his passport picture. But like a real complaint not a joke. Hes mad about that. Hes mad that they didn't let him smile in his passport picture.
I'm over here committing identify theft by accident, hungover and shit mouth and this guys mad that THEY DIDNT LET HIM SMILE IN HIS PASSPORT PICTURE.

1:40 pm
Just did the security tube thing where you raise your hands and stand still and came to the conclusion that I'm still drunk.

1:46 pm
Three dogs just walked passed me in the terminal and I thought that's weird must be a dog flight leaving soon. Then pictured a plane of just dogs and laughed really hard. Buncha dogs just sitting in all the seats.
Man this is gonna be a rough 8 hours

1:49 pm
Just ordered a ham egg and cheese sandwich. Guy behind me in line said
"That sounds good, what is that?"
I said "don't really know how else to describe man"
He then proceeded to order and said "I'll have what he got"
Can't make this stuff up! Airports are crazy!












1:47 pm
Bought an apple juice cause it was the bottle like in Boy Meets World

1:50 pm
Took a sip. Apple juice kinda sucks.

2:15 pm
Got lost in thought while buying gum trying to decide which guy Id rather hang out with.
Couldn't come to a conclusion.
Asked the clerk lady which one shed choose. She responded with "will the gum be all?"













2:38 pm
threw up in the bathroom stall

2:44 pm
 at the bar drinking a beer

2:52 pm
Guy sitting next to me at the bar ordered French fries then asked for a bottle of ranch dressing. Then poured the ranch all over the fries.
I'm not a fan of the guy next to me at the bar. Hope his flight is leaving soon.

3:10 pm
Tony, the old Asian Bartender made a drink in a blender. He poured it slowly into the glass while saying "oh thasss roooookin good" to himself. I found humor in that.

3:11 pm
middle eastern man walked up to bar and ordered a salmon salad. Asian bartender misheard him and said "chicken salad?" Middle eastern man nodded. He doesn't know he's not getting what he ordered yet.
Accents are tough

3:15 pm
The same thing just happened to me! Ordered a club sandwich. The guy gave me a Cobb salad. Maybe don't have the old Asian man who doesn't know english well be the main bartender/server!
accents are tough!!!!!

3:25 pm
Realized I'm stuck in this airport for 6 more hours and got sad.

3:26 pm
replayed Tony saying "oh thasss roooookin good" in my head and got happy again










3:29 pm
Second bartender came back from break and Tony, who had been working hard (tho not good) alone said to her "whaaaaaaaaaa you think I'm soup maaaaaaan????"

3:30 pm
Tony becomes my new favorite person of the day

3:34 pm
I get my sandwich. Ranch French Fries dude leaves and I get excited at the prospect of a new person sitting next to me.

3:40 pm
I realize that the other James OBrien will be at the airport while I'm still here and debate if I should tell him all that happened. I decide not to cause he probably does not care one bit and I don't know how'd if find him.

3:45 pm
Guy in all camo asked Tony to change the channel. Tony scrolls through every single channel like its 1996 trying to find the game.
Camo guy tell him to use the guide to find the channel.
Tony thinks since camo guy talked he must have found the right channel. Puts down the remote and leaves the weather on.
Camo guy is perplexed.
I think about explaining Tony to him but I don't think he'd understand.

3:48 pm
Vicky, the second bartender asks "why are you still here don't you have a flight to catch?"
I explain the situation to her. She's very apologetic. Feels bad for me.

3:50 pm
A you g girl sits next to me. I'm in no state to attempt to be normal and talk to her.

3:54 pm
I think about Tony calling superman Soup Man cause of his accent and everything is okay in the world.

4:02 pm
Kid to my left says. "Sorry for eavesdropping but I overheard your situation. That really sucks man"
Yeah, thanks for the input.

4:15 pm
Left the bar.

4:23 pm
Laying on the ground in the corner. Gonna try and take a nap. Or a full nights sleep, I got time

I left the bar cause the kid to my left ordered a double of fireball and I thought that was a pretty sad thing to do AND he definitely fit the bill of a kid who orders doubles of fireball so I took a picture of him but he saw me do it so I bounced









4:47 pm
Here's a picture of what I look like right now. Just older and grosser. Same idea though










5:00 pm
Realize sleep isn't gonna happen. Start sadly walking aimlessly around the airport.

5:03 pm
See a sign that says Need Help? and laugh.








5:08 pm
Me and a older gentleman lock eyes for a little too long. Both feel weird about it
Notice there's no more dogs around which all but confirms my dog flight theory.

5:15 pm
Got unreasonably mad at whoever okayed the art piece in the middle of the terminal.

Hey the terminal is looking bland, let's put some art work in there.

I know a guy who can make the general shape of an animal out of old shitty wood

No no but that sounds horrible. Actually, you know what, let's do it










5:19 pm
Thought to myself, maybe I can go poop and that'll kill some time. Then realized i didn't have to poop so that plan didn't work.

5:22 pm
Had a chuckle that newspapers and magazines still exist. Then proceeded to buy a book which made my chuckle a hypocrite

5:31 pm
Tony is on lunch break and came over and sat right in front of me to eat, which is quite literally the best thing that's happened to me since he said Soup Man.













5:42 pm
Realized I've eaten breakfast and lunch at the airport and will soon eat dinner here too.

5:47 pm
Guy is talking on phone on speakerphone so I slid over to hear that conversation. Guy next to me is coaching his friend through relationship problems. His main advice is to grab beers and some bags of green leaf (someone hip tell me what that is?) and then just let it happen.

5:50 pm
They switched to FaceTime so he can show him his gingerbread house. Convos real boring.

6:07 pm
Bought another book cause I'm a sucker. Now have 5 books in my backpack.

6:12 pm
Pooped

6:17 pm
Back to the bar. Tony and Vicky are both still working. The niners scored a touchdown and Tony had a good laugh over that. Says he's never seen so many points before.










6:47 pm
The two strangers to my right started talking to eachother about football. One is a degenerate gambler and the other is a football novice. This is the convo
"This was such a sucker game. I knew it was. I saw the one point and took it. Need Phillips to bring them back"
"Yeah he looks pretty good"
"Football football stats on depth stats money gambling terms football lingo"
"Yeah for sure"

7:41 pm
Still here

9:10 pm
Get on plane. My seat is right in the front. Kinda cool I guess.

10:32 pm
Girl next to me just asked flight attendant what the wine selection is. He said red or white.
Missed a good opportunity to break into billy Joel song IMO

Flight attendant looks like Craig Robinson. Also a Delta makes there flight attendants wear turtle necks. Id quit on the spot.

11:50 pm
Really need to pee but got a ton of garbage on my tray and Craig isn't even close to coming around with the garbage bin yet

11:58 pm
Peed

12:00 am
Plane is an igloo. Blanketed up. Lady across from me just whipped out a down comforter. Debating fighting her for it.

12:05 am
Girl next to me just gave me a free drink coupon. This day is turning around!! (But not really. Still sucked)

2:21 am
Over iowa. They've over compensated for the cold and I am now on a sauna plane. Down comforter blanket lady may quite possibly die.

5:55 am
Landed.

7:43 am
Got to Newtown. 20 hours later. Trip end.


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